bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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