He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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