I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
