I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
