Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
