apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
