Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
