I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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