fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
