Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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