Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
