I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
