I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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