My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
