So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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