I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
