you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
