Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
