new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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