We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
