I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
