If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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