I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
