did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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