I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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