A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I AM VODKA MAN
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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