He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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