I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
