but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
