During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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