I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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