Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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