farters have to be the big spoon...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
