how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
