he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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