He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
