There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
