BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
