you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
