dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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