the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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