Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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