Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
