I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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