Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
