If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
