Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
