I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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