Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
