i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
